The 17-Year Itch.

Apparently, 2013 is a year that the 17-year cicadas will descend upon Richmond, VA in massive swarms.

In case you don’t know what a cicada is….

I’m not talking about the run-of-the-mill, annual, green and white cicada. No, I’m talking about the black, orange-tinged, red-eyed cicadas that emerge from the ground in large, noisy quantities. After engaging in cicada orgy, they quickly die off, leaving the ground littered with their crunchy-yet-squishy carcasses.




[Image Source]

I don’t remember the last time the 17-year cicadas arrived in Richmond, but general math skills tell me that it happened in 1996. Harrison remembers that “they were everywhere” and were “really loud.”

“And I saw them having sex,” he adds.

Enough people are concerned about the emergence of the cicadas in wedding season that Cicada Mania even has a section of the website devoted to how to deal with them at your wedding. Basically? You’re screwed.

We’re getting married outside, and Richmond falls right in the middle of the reported brood appearances. In all likelihood, in addition to our parents, we will have hundreds, if not thousands, of [uninvited] wedding guests in the vicinity of our nuptials next Friday.

[More cicada commentary: “They’re like little space aliens,” says Harrison.]

However, given that our wedding on May 24th is actually very small, I don’t see the need to move our “ceremony” inside. Our officiant claims to have a seven-minute ceremony memorized, and we have no music, readings, or unity candle rituals. There will be no tent and no outside food for cicadas to crawl in. And if there are some cicadas in our pictures, that’s fine, too. According to Harrison, there is around a 1% chance of having your wedding fall in the middle of the 17-year cicada emergence. Maybe it bodes well for our marriage…thousands of little good-luck bugs.

This all being said, if one flies up my dress or crawls up my neck, Ima’ scream reaaaaaal loud.